20 YEARS TO CELEBRATE!

Winter 1995?

We used to come up from Texas to Winter Park CO for a ski trip. We partnered with other churches including Mizzou, Texas A & M, Denton, and others. The conferences were full of God’s working through his Spirit to change young people. We also learned to ski and got to experience real snow for the first time. I still remember seeing the frozen stream next to the road through the bus window on those trips.

Little did I know we would move here many many years later! The heart of man plans his ways, but the LORD establishes his steps. Proverbs 16:9

We thank God he has established our steps over all of these years! He is the great builder and establisher of his people…there is no other one who can build and establish like our God! At the time this picture was taken; I knew I wanted to be in ministry and missions, and I knew I wanted to marry Brook. Little did I know how much work of establishing would take place over the next years. In roughly two years from the picture being taken we would get engaged and my plans to go on staff with our church/Reliant would be put on hold for three more years. We got married in August 1997, and I would work for a few years to prepare for a lifetime of vocational ministry.

Now in our 20th year with Reliant, we still love being next to each other, smiling, laughing, dancing, and even skiing in our new home state of Colorado! Our hearts made other plans, but the LORD has established our steps.

1997

In the spring of 1997 I proposed to Brook by Waller Creek near the Austin Convention Center. After a long night of holding the ring in my right pocket and busted plans for other opportunities I chose to lead her to this spot. I had studied architecture for a few years at the University of Texas and that particular building was a new symbol in the city for progress and change. So we walked along the creek and talked and I knew it was time. I knelt down and gave her a bookmark I had made with a bible verse on it. I told her I planned to be in ministry, never have money, and didn’t know where God would take me but I knew I loved her and I asked her to join me in the journey. She said yes and we started a new life together later that August in San Antonio Texas. Our dear friends, Tom Brown and Stephanie Bell, stood up with us as Maid of Honor and Best Man. A young couple could not ask for better support. They both continue to be friends to this day.

After the honeymoon in Mexico we moved 45 minutes south to San Marcos so Brook could give her attention to graduate school. I looked for work and put going on staff with our church off for a future date. It would be three more years before I would apply to work for the church and Reliant. We hosted church friends every Monday night at our little 1 bedroom apartment in San Marcos. I drove up to Austin every week to meet with the small group and we attended the church gathering in Austin every week. We knew we were going back to Austin, but our new life in San Marcos was a good season of developing us as a married couple.

2001

After years of serving our local church through our college years, getting married, moving away for graduate school, starting new jobs, and moving back to Austin; we got the green light from our local pastoral team to pursue full time ministry with Reliant. We had saved a lot of money in order to cover the lack of income that would come with full time support raising. (My first paycheck from Reliant was $50.) We packed our bags to prepare for the week of intensive support raising training (MTD) down in Orlando. Armed with hope, faith, the support of our church, and prayer in January we embarked on the journey to become full time missionaries working with our church.

We remember praying for months that the Lord would provide for us a team of people who would journey with us in ministry as partners and supporters. We always wanted to be the missionaries who had a team that would stick with us for as long as we all lived. We asked for that gift in faith… 20 years later we think the Lord answered our youthful prayers! David and Martha Brown asked us to consider moving in with them to serve the church together and that catapulted our two families together. In 2002 Naaman would be born, and we would bring him home to his first home on Sweet Cherry Dr. There are so many great stories that have taken place because of the decision to go into full time support based ministry. We are honored and blessed to be able to continue into the next 20!

Countless blessings, many heartaches, and endless stories of faith have been a part of the journey thus far! We can’t CELEBRATE enough all the Lord has done in us, through you, and through us together as we’ve traveled the past 20 years!

Fall 2001

I don’t remember the name of this group of people, but we can for sure say this was Longhorn Life.

I know the picture is difficult to see, but there are a few things I love about this picture. The outfits!! Wow there was some serious style back then. The diversity was also something we enjoyed. The youth on our faces. I also love that many of these people are still in our lives after all of these years!

We are grateful to have had a small role to play (if even for just a season) in the lives of so many people over the course of 20 years!

Summer 2002

The summer of Naaman, Epic Duels, lifelong friendships, and serious discipleship. Naaman was born in April, I was raising support to be a missionary with Reliant, and we were praying for the opportunity to attend Leadership Training in Orlando.

Naaman was a month old when it seemed like the Lord had raised our needed support. We were almost at 100% when we decided to drive towards FL from Austin. The drive was in faith. The backup plan was to visit Brook’s family in AL and turn around to go home if the support was lacking. We received “the call” from Reliant’s Home Office in the morning after spending the night in Shreveport LA! “The Call” is a special moment for any Reliant Missionary because it means you are released to work in the field of ministry, you are fully funded for ministry, and you are ready to go! At that time every Reliant Missionary waited with anticipation for the call from Kathy Zellinger, and we were no different. I stepped outside the little motel room in Shreveport and answered to hear Kathy say we were released! We were fully funded and approved to help lead LT 2002! So we drove on…stopped in Reform AL to visit Brook’s family and then made the trek down to Orlando with our one month old.

We lived in college apartments near the U of Central FL campus. The mattress was seriously stained as if someone had been murdered on the bed. There was no rocking chair, no amenities for kids, and we lived with 3 other staffers. BUT we were on staff! We were new parents! We were available to help those students!

The young men in that picture were good men at the time. We know many of them (if not all) have gone on to walk with Jesus for the next 20 years! We have ministry partners in 3 of them, and two I have talked with in the past couple of months. The Lord has been sooo good to us!

2002-2004

Ministry in Austin was fun and exciting. We were young and full of zeal to spread the gospel to UT and make disciples on campus and in the community. We were building community and serving with the Browns. We were hosting students, meeting with students on campus, and doing ministry in the dorms. Those years were full of creativity and heart to heart talks. I can remember sitting under pecan trees near campus shucking pecans while a group of students and I would talk about the Lord. We were home, God was establishing our family, and we were grateful for each year of service. We bought our first home and moved into 11470 Bristle Oak Trail. Kyra was born that April at our home on the couch. Martha was with us as were Mom and Bob and after a long night of labor at home, we tried making it to the hospital but had to turn around and deliver at home.

Summer 2004

Two weeks after Kyra arrived we were on our way to Orlando FL again for our second Leadership Training as staff. Similarly to 2002, we lived in U of Central FL student apartment housing and spent a summer there ministering to the students. Brook spent the summer with Kyra strapped to her chest as Kyra never wanted to be put down. Naaman slept in a temporary “big boy bed” and we managed to make a home out of a little apartment with the two kids. We had a student gathering for the UT students, and I remember that was the first time I was not counted as one of the athletic guys in the room. :) Ah to be young! We loved living out in Orlando that summer knowing that each afternoon we would have a short rain shower, and knowing that each day we had a great opportunity to minister alongside and to the students of the program. After attending LT as students (Brook once and Rudy twice), we were now helping lead our second LT as staff. We would go on to lead two more LTs as staff over the coming years… Once in Columbus Ohio and once in Estes Park CO. When you’re staff you run parallel to the student experience, and God does great work in you as well. We will always think fondly about LTs because those summers have been so influential to our growth and development as Christ followers.

Summer 2007

Another summer milestone, but this one was even bigger than LT. Kelsie arrived on June 22 of that summer and she changed our lives forever. She was the last of the kids all born in Austin. Unlike with the older two, we did not attend an LT that summer. We were home and able to work with the students who stuck around campus. If I remember correctly, we led a ministry we called Summer Monkeys. The emphasis was on monastic traditions of solitude, prayer, fasting, and service. The years would fly by after Kelsie. We now had a full family. We were about to celebrate 10 years of marriage, we were on staff now for 6 years, and we had no idea what was going to happen in the coming years. Even writing this update as I recollect all of the early memories in the dorms at UT, on the campus, dating Brook, falling in love, growing in the Lord, and starting a family…I am tearing up thinking about how good the Lord has been to us! As I have searched through old pictures to post here I have seen many of the faces of our ministry partners. Faces which I’m happy to say we still recognize because we’re still partnered together. Faces that now are older that remind me of the fond and fruitful times we had all of those years ago. I am grateful to say we are not done yet…And God would continue to write our story into very challenging years and decisions.

Summer 2008

We attended LT in Estes Park CO and fell in love with the area. For years we had turned down the opportunity to serve there because of the lack of “city amenities” and air conditioning. We were weak. :) But that summer was different. We felt led to say yes to the invite and took a small band of Longhorns up to the mountains. We lent our silver CRV to the students that summer, made some promises to family members, and drove our new van up to help lead. Little did we know the dramatic change that summer would bring.

We loved living in that little 400 sq ft cabin. The kids played outside everyday all the day, and we lived next to another tiny cabin with another family. They were from Normal IL and on the first day of work for LT, I was partnered with Mike Klunke to plan an event. The two wives, Brook and Michelle, spent all summer playing together with the kids as Mike and I served the students and program. We spent countless hours talking, praying, and dreaming about all God was doing. At the end of the summer, Mike and Michelle asked us to pray and consider moving up to partner with them to lead the campus church, Cornerstone. We were honored, but we had no idea what we were going to do.

Returning from CO was challenging because we were sensing the Lord was leading us to consider moving away from Austin. We loved our church, our friends, and our home…but it seemed like God was leading. I remember sitting in our new church office with some of my best friends telling them we were going to move. Long weeks, long sessions of prayer, and many tears later we were saying yes we will move. I’ll never forget being asked, “where are you going to move to?” my answer was, “a land we know not of”. We had no clue where God was leading…only that he was calling us to obey. So we embarked on a journey of discovery.

Fall 2008

I believe this was the last family picture we took for our Christmas card in 2008. Brook…stunning as always…my crazy hair…and the kids all happy. We had decided to move to Normal IL. Since the post summer decision to move I had taken a trip to the Midwest. I knew a few things…we planned to stay with Reliant and Collegiate Church Network so we knew we were going to move to one of the college churches in our network. We also knew we were not staying in Texas…so we created a plan. I was going to fly to Normal to visit the Klunke and see the church, then go to Columbia Missouri to see our old friends- John and Amy Drage, Brenna and Garrett Naufel, and Ed and Beth Courtney. I was to visit their churches and then go visit a new church to me, H2O Church in Bowling Green OH. I had heard of this guy named, Matt Pardi, and the church he led. I was encouraged by their faith and their dreams for church planting. I figured if I could get trained by this guy then maybe he could help us plant churches. So that was the plan…fly to Normal, drive to Columbia, drive to Bowling Green and then come back to Austin and pray with Brook.

I took along our first point and shoot digital camera to take pictures of the areas for Brook to see later and I went in faith.

Landing in Normal was another world to me. Small town, corn fields, and the midwest for this city boy from Texas was all new. The houses were different, the roads were different, and the campus was tiny. I remember thinking…nobody here is proud of this place. Being a Longhorn we had just had a rebranding for UT which stated, “What Starts Here Changes the World”. I believed it. Now I was in Normal at Illinois State University scouting the campus and church…and I said to the Lord…everyone here is either a fan of University of Illinois or they think they are not smart, good looking, or rich enough to be world changers. And the Lord told me…”But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong.- 1 Cor 1:27. I left Normal with a weight and burden for their church that was heavy. I thought I saw problems and challenges, but I also knew I wanted to help.

I drove to meet my friends in Columbia. I visited the campus, attended one of their staff meetings, and enjoyed catching up with long time friends. I had a quick summary of their situation…I pictured the pastors telling me, “Here are the keys to the car Rudy. Just don’t wreck it.” In my mind they were a well oiled machine of a church. They didn’t have need for me, and I would most likely just mess it up. So although on paper that church made the most sense…I did not sense the Lord leading us there.

I made the 10 hour drive to Bowling Green OH in a borrowed Prius from our friend, Ross Ferraro. Ross if you read this…you know bro! On the way I prayed a lot. I knew this was the last stop on the itinerary, and I was wondering what I was getting into by going there. As I passed by Lucas Oil Field in Indianapolis, I began to sob. I was crying so hard I was struggling to see. I remember telling the Lord, “I want to go back to Normal and not tell anyone. I would go to walk the campus and pray. I knew at that time…I think Normal is where you are leading our family.” I then heard the Lord say…”follow the plan”.

So I continued driving to Bowling Green and met with Matt the next morning. His first question I remember was, “Do you want to plant churches in the state of Ohio?”. I told him…not particularly. He said that was what they were going to do. I thanked him for the clarity of vision and he blessed me with a great visit…but I knew by this time…if we were going to move…it would be to Normal IL to work with Mike and Michelle Klunke, Cornerstone, and Illinois State U.

2009

A crazy crazy year for our family and ministry.

We had already talked with them at the end of 2008 and they gave us an immediate blessing to pursue the Lord and move to IL. I called Mike Klunke from the Target parking lot in central Austin to tell him we were coming to Normal. The plan was to stay in Austin until Naaman finished the school year. That timing would give us time to remodel and sell our home, tie off loose ends for the church, and transition our family in time for the fall kick off in August. What we did not account for was Dad got really sick in early 2009.

His latest turn for the worse would get really bad, and he would eventually go to be with the Lord in April. I was driving down to San Antonio to be with him and Mom a few times each week, and I finally took a leave of absence from work to care for my Dad in March. We were remodeling our home, putting it on the market, Dad was dying, and we were transitioning to a new state! They say transitions are difficult for everyone…we had major transitions happening.

We stayed the course of faith and were blessed by Dad and Mom to move. We knew the Lord was calling us to IL, and my Dad was about to die.
There are so many things we could share about that time of life, but here are some lows and highs.

• The blessing of parents to tell their children…follow the Lord. You have always been his. God will take care of us is something that can’t be bought.

• I was with Dad when he left the earth. I remember the honor I felt to be there with the man who was with me when I entered the world. His strength, confidence in the Lord, and eagerness to see Jesus will forever remind me of God’s faithfulness.

• The moments with my mom in dealing with losing Dad were moments I’ll never forget. Just the two of us lingering, talking, praying, crying, and trusting the Lord together are not moments I would trade for anything…well maybe another moment with them.

• Our good friend, Nate Robinson, remodeling our home for/with us at a price we can never repay. The joy of being with him in his creativity, planning, and execution were still fond memories and good time together. Oh and he would bring us breakfast tacos on many mornings which we were going to give up soon in moving to IL.

• Crying all the way from Austin to Oklahoma City while driving to Normal. Our dear friend, Liz Rivas, had put together a “Yearbook” for us of our Austin years. We read the book which was signed by so many friends and cried our way to IL. We keep the book in our living room on a table to be remembered.

• Along the way to Normal we stopped in Dallas to party with partners at Winston and Shirley Lam’s home. They hosted us as our last Texas stop on the farewell tour. Along the way, the van air conditioner died, the Lam’s house AC also died, as did the Klunke’s house AC. We kept thinking…what is going on with us moving?

• We arrived in Normal and were given a place to live by Ross and Emily Ferraro. They let us stay in their home while they were gone for the summer. We were a young family with little kids living in someone else’s home while we re-settled in a new town and new surroundings. It even sounds crazy writing about the experience now.

• I’ll never forget calling a student from the parking lot outside the funeral home in Reform AL. We drove down to AL because Papa had gone to be with the Lord. While visiting with family at the wake…I took a minute to step outside and make a work call. I was trying to get in touch with the student I was assigned to mentor. Her name…Katie Puppilo. I called to tell her I was looking forward to meeting in a few weeks when classes started up for the fall semester of 09, and I called to ask how I could pray for her.

• We kicked off the semester on campus at Illinois State U, bought a house on Centennial Ave, and got off two of our kids to school at the end of the street. I started a new job as did Brook and we launched into what would be a very fruitful 9 years of ministry in Normal. We raised our kids there, grew in the Lord, grew our family, and saw God do incredible things. We will never fully know the fruit of those decisions, but we are grateful for what we do see and know. The Lord has been good to us all along the way. The Lord has provided for us in ways we could never plan. The Lord has given us strength in difficult circumstances. The Lord has been worthy of our affection and devotion. The Lord has been better than we could have imagined. The Lord is always good, and he is worth pursuing with all of our lives!

2010

We spent our first Midwestern Fall serving the Lord and training the young church at ISU. As I mentioned my job was to train Katie in dorm ministry, evangelism, and discipleship. We met in the fall of 2009 for lunch to talk at the dorms. I asked her my “standard questions” for when I meet with any new student. Who are you? Where you are from? What’s your story? She told me she lost her dad on April 5, 2008. I don’t remember anything else she said that afternoon. I just remember thinking she was at a cemetery remembering her dad the morning I was with my dad in the hospital. I went home and told Brook that we would never believe the story I just heard…we moved from Texas to a corn field in IL and met a young student who shared a common bond with me/us. April 5 was the day we both lost our dads.

So 2010 saw us growing a stronger relationship with Katie and the other students who were starting to join the church. We were meeting students from Chicagoland, from farms, and even one from Texas. I started Freshman Leaders Group (FLG) after adapting John Drage’s material from Missouri. The aim was to invest in the freshman class to see a full restart to the church. God did great things that year reigniting vision for reaching the lost at ISU and preparing the church for stability in faith.

We had a staff team focused on ministering to the campus, and we were on mission. That summer we saw a small team of students attend LT in Estes Park, and we came out to visit and have a vision retreat as a team. Brook and I got to reconnect with Katie on our visit and continue to see the bond of family form.

The LT students came back on fire for the Lord and ready to serve the ISU campus again in the fall. Ministry was hopping again, and our family was settling into a new life in Normal.

2011-12

Our basement flooded the first fall of our move, but we were able to rebuild the basement and even did remodeling outside of the house. We would host students and staff here several times a week for gatherings, hang outs, discipleship, and Home Groups/Corners. The basement on most Thursday nights was filled with 25-40 college students. We used to make 3 pots of coffee each Thursday night and have people show up at 7pm and leave around 2am. Wow there was life happening in that home! The kids were still young so Brook would put them to bed while I ran the gatherings. She would then come out and hang out with the students for hours before the last student would leave.

We bought that house because we were told it had the largest space for our meetings of anyone else in the church at the time. We are grateful for that home where we raised our kids and served many students. 402 Centennial Ave will always have a special place in our hearts.

Fall 2012

New beginnings were happening everywhere in our family. Kelsie started kindergarten at Hoose Elementary, Naaman started 4th grade and Kyra started 3rd grade. We were now in our 3rd fall in IL and raking the leaves and preparing for winter snow was more routine. What was not routine was being asked by Katie if I would walk her down the aisle at their wedding.

We had been talking for a long time about Brett and how they were in love. We knew he was going to propose to her, and he came and talked with me about the idea. He asked for my blessing…which I was glad to give. Even writing now, I’m a little shocked all of this took place. We were sitting at the Steak and Shake on College Ave talking late one night about life and the Lord. She told me she wanted to ask me to give her away. She asked me to ask Brook and the girls. After discussing it at home, we all agreed I was to walk with Katie. My one request was that this meant we were going to be family…more than just an act for one day…real family. She said that was the very thing she desired.

So on a beautiful afternoon in Bloomington IL, Brett married Katie, and our new family began. I remember being so nervous and a mix of emotions overcame me at the end of the night. I could not have scripted a better story for moving from Texas to IL. I could not have imagined anything like this happening in ministry…in fact I would say I guarded against any super close relationships to an extent because in ministry you’re asked to play many roles at times. Working with college students for 10 years by that time had taught me that they sometimes see you as an older brother, an uncle, or even like a surrogate parent. In this case…with the connection of our dads I was sure the Lord was leading us all to intertwine and become family. You can’t plan for those types of occurrences…we just thank God!

So Katie had been living in our home for a few months that summer. She moved out to make some good memories with her sister in town. Then Brett and her married and moved up to the suburbs in Chicagoland. And we moved onto the next chapter of having a daughter move out, get married, and move on while we carried on with Naaman, Kyra, and Kelsie in school and thriving. The church was going strong and God was moving on campus.

2013-14

These years feel like a blur now to me. The kids were in chess club at school which took up weekends and taught them great skills. Brook was working part time hours and enjoying being a chess and soccer mom. The two older kids played soccer which I helped coach and Kelsie started dance which she continues to this day. We were enjoying life and ministry. We were squarely in the know about Midwest life by this time. The kids were excelling at school, the yard was coming together nicely, the seasons were being enjoyed, and our family was growing. By this time we had baptized several students and many more by the church, seen students come to faith in Christ, seen the church revitalized and growing, seen a staff team emerge, and started some new traditions.

One tradition which we still keep to this day is cooking fajitas on Easter. It was a way to keep our Texas traditional eating alive and doing that on Easter made the time special. So we hosted an Easter egg hunt for the Klunke kids and our kids and others, and I would cook fajitas for as many people who wanted to join us. We often had 40 people+ at our gatherings to eat and enjoy fellowship.

Life was good in Normal for our family and ministry. 2015 was coming though…with sad and profound news.

2015

I was scheduled to speak at LT in Estes Park when I received a call from my Mom. She had been coming up to visit us every year since we moved. Sometimes she came for Thanksgiving and stayed for Christmas and other times she came in January and stayed for a month. Funny thing is she never came in any other season besides Winter.

Now we were visiting CO to speak and we were talking like we normally did. Only this time she said, “Well Sonny, I’m calling to tell you I just got the news from the doctor and they tell me I have stage 4 liver cancer. They said there is no hope for recovery. But you know what they say…hope is the last thing to go.” I was standing on the porch of the administration building at the YMCA in Estes Park looking at the mountains and was stunned. I remember telling her, “That’s good Mom. Hold onto hope.” But inside I was shocked. How long did she have? What could be done? When should I go see her? Would I see her again?

We made plans to visit and I was able to go down to Texas a few weeks before she passed. Mom went to be with the Lord on July 22 in the very late evening. After my good visit with her in earlier July we decided to wait a few weeks before going back down. We started driving to Texas from IL to be with Mom on July 21st morning. I spoke with her that Tuesday morning for about 30 seconds. All she could say was, get here soon sonny. I love you. We arrived late in the evening having driven all day. My aunts were all scattered across the house sitting and waiting with Mom. I immediately went into her room. Mom was on hospice care at home. She never spoke again this side of heaven. But she was there and I was there and we “talked”.

I was called back into the room by my aunt who said my Mom was close to passing. My brothers and I entered the room, and I’ll never forget my aunt gently pushing my back and telling me to stand next to my mom’s head. There we were all gathered with this woman of God…my mother. The lady who taught me so much about life, love, joy, courage, strength, and dreaming. She loved with fierceness that only a mother can know. But I benefitted…and now in her weakness she was passing.

I felt led to pray. To lead us all in a prayer. I closed my eyes and prayed words from my heart. Then my aunt…that great woman in her own right…she led us all in praying The Lord’s prayer….”For yours is the Kingdom, and the Power, and the Glory forever and ever. Amen” and with that Amen said out loud by all of us…my mom breathed her last. It was as if she held one last prayer with us…with me.

I had come to believe my Mom’s words about hope being the last thing to go. I knew she was right. For the follower of Jesus…we go from possessing in part to possessing in full. From not having to having fully. From not seeing to seeing in an instant. That last breath signified hope to me. She passed from hope, in hope, through hope, and into paradise. And she taught me another lesson in that moment.

We buried Mom on top of Dad at the National Cemetery in San Antonio as is customary. I wrote her a poem which I read at her funeral. I missed her immensely and still do. And something I never expected happened…I felt a deep sense of loss of unconditional love. Like unconditional love had left the world with my Mom. Time would need to pass for unconditional love to come back into my life…in another unexpected way.

For those of you who knew my parents…I think you would agree they were special. The word I heard most often at my Mom’s funeral was…”legacy”. The funny thing about that word for my parents is I don’t believe they ever lived a day with legacy in mind. They just lived in the Lord…simply, sacrificially, stumbling, with all sorts of issues which never resolved this side of the grave, but they lived for Him by faith. I suppose that is legacy for the believer? But they didn’t seem to value that much…and so neither do I. Neither do we.

We just want to do the will of God…which we often struggle against and stumble over. We are often scared, hiding, angry, despondent, and lacking faith. We often stray in our desires and our ambitions…BUT GOD…He is more capable of speaking to us and reaching us than we are capable of listening and running.

So Mom would never see us move to Colorado. She would never see the pain of us losing our new church in Fort Collins, many of our local friends and team, our long standing relationships, and the like. But I have felt at many times she would tell me…

“I believe that HOPE is the last thing to go and if they physicians say there is ‘no hope for me’ they are wrong. I have hope in things to come and in God’s promises.

This too shall pass.

Clouds are beautiful - skies are blue.

You let go and when you do - God will work through you.

be of good courage and strength.” and… I love you sonny. I am proud of you sonny. Te quiero mucho.

Oct 2015

I’ll never forget walking into our Cornerstone Church office one October afternoon and sitting down to talk with Matt Wilcoski during our management meeting. He casually mentioned he was surprised I was working normally. I remember thinking that an odd thing to say, so I said something like, “did I have a choice?”. We discussed how losing Mom was a big deal, and how he was just wondering how I was doing it…the truth is…I was barely making it.

I had been running on emotional fumes since May 2015. Not only was mom’s cancer diagnosis difficult to receive, but we also had another tragic circumstance happen to a new student friend. I spent that summer preparing with and for mom while also pastoring a student through an extremely difficult situation. Both of those circumstances along with normal pastoral responsibilities and life in general had taken a toll on me. I remember describing myself as “thin” emotionally. My normal emotional reserves were tapped out, and just looking at me wrongly would make me cry. I was a wreck, but I didn’t really know it until Matt made that statement. The funny thing is Mike Klunke told me in early 2015 to consider taking a sabbatical. He had come off of his first and loved the time away! Reliant has developed a policy for pastors to take a sabbatical every 7 years if we desire. I told him I was not really needing a sabbatical, but I would consider the idea when I felt right. Well after that brief interaction with Matt I knew I was on the verge of not making it. I was giving and giving and giving to the church, but I really had nothing left to give. So I asked the guys about taking a sabbatical, and the elders rallied around me and said yes.

I spent time praying and thinking about what to focus on during a 6 month sabbatical, and I came up with three things. 1. Time with family. 2. Time building things with my hands so at the end I would have something I could look at and remember the Lord’s faithfulness. 3. What was coming next for the next season of ministry?

Garrett asked me to consider church planting, and I determined that next summer during my sabbatical I would take time with him to investigate the possibility of God leading us to partner together to church plant. Cornerstone invested time, money, and emotional resources to help me look at other locations and their investment in my life, family, and ministry are forever cemented in my mind and heart as investments in God’s kingdom! Here’s a few pictures from my three scouting trips that summer.

2016-2018

After having one of the most unique meetings I’ve ever encountered in Minneapolis on July 4th 2016, I came home that summer with a plan and conclusion that we were going to plant a church. In my estimation and measure of faith, Cornerstone Church was strong enough to send us to plant. We had brought on Matt and Lisa and their family to our pastoral team, our staff were growing, and the church was thriving. It was time to venture out to start over. That was the plan all along, but I didn’t know how it would feel when we would get to that point…

In short it felt overwhelmingly difficult! Leaving Brett and Katie, our church family, and the home where our kids grew up was very emotional for us. Nathaniel was born in March of 2018, and we got to see him early on in his life. Leaving the Paddocks with little Nathaniel was a huge loss for us. We poured our hearts and lives into the work in IL, and the Lord gave us a home through the kindness of his body. The thought of going out West to an unknown land, with an unknown team, with little understanding of what we were getting into was daunting. Brook and I had many arguments and heartfelt struggles. I kept holding onto this truth- Jesus is worthy of losing everything in my life.

So we counted the costs and starting getting ready that coming year. The plan was to move the summer of 2018 after the kids finished the school year and after we got through a full year of school and tied off loose ends in Normal. Our family prepared to move again…and life was hard.

I spent time in Texas and Colorado raising support for the new venture. We said our goodbyes, sold and packed our home, and moved into the Klunke’s house for the summer. Naaman and I drove a moving truck out to Fort Collins and unloaded the first delivery of our household items. Brook and Kyra had come out in May 2018 to scout the area and found us a house to buy in a little town called Timnath. Our street was so new that Google didn’t have it mapped yet.

Our family launched off from Centennial Ave on July 5th 2018 after one last fireworks show in Bloomington. The years in Normal IL will forever be a part of our family heritage. This Texas family living in a small town in corn fields in IL. The cold winters and muggy hot summers. The soft green grass and having no need to ever water the grass because of the rainfall. The ability to grow beautiful gardens with little effort. Learning how to shovel driveways, how to waterproof a basement, and the value of no commute were all things I learned in IL. We were now going West to unknown adventures…little did we know the hardships of living out on front range.

2018-2019

We certainly instantly started enjoying the views from our back porch. The mountains are sort of constantly calling us from our home since we do not currently have backdoor neighbors. So we have been able to enjoy the views, the natural beauty, and the peaceful views. We also get tons of wind and western sun. Getting used to the weather here was and continues to be a challenge. Our home was also twice the cost of our IL home. Generous giving from partners allowed us to buy our home and begin to launch this new ministry.

We started meeting as a launch team, developing relationships in the area, and establishing a new work on campus. I remember every time I walked on campus I would ask our other IL team member if she could believe we lived here? The CSU campus is beautiful and the town of Fort Collins is growing. The area reminds me so much of Austin because the area is growing, the land is arid, and there is a spirit of entrepreneurship and achievement in the air. The culture here feels very different than the culture of the Midwest and we spent years learning what the area is like.

We spent time working with another local church to establish ourselves in the church community. The work of seeing a new church planted and established was fun, challenging, and exciting. Our team took trips together, went to conferences together, and spent a lot of time together. I think the work of seeing a new church begin is a precious work in the sight of God. He does the work of building his church, and I would say we were honored to have a front row seat to the work.

The years blur together now…with so much happening. Naaman didn’t particularly enjoy his high school experience here in Colorado. Kyra started as a freshman, and Kelsie started middle school. I might not ever forget the day I drove Naaman and Kyra to school to drop them off at the new high school, Fossil Ridge. As a dad I remember being scared for them knowing I was the reason why there lives were starting over. I prayed for them asking the Lord to watch over them as they walked into their new reality. Kelsie was a similar story. I can only hope as I said earlier, that our kids understand and believe Jesus is worthy of everything in our lives.

Early 2020- Pre COVID

We had our annual ski trip planned for Winter 2020. We drove up to Granby, stayed at the YMCA of the Rockies (where we first visited in 1995) and enjoyed a time of skiing, hanging with new friends, and being in the mountains. I remember thinking how strange it is to live just 2 hours from such a beautiful place. Although we live on the front range, it is a very different experience from being in the mountains. We spent that weekend up there and enjoyed the time as a family and church…little did we know what was to come.

January 2020 brought a boiling point for what I would later call our “conflict” on our leadership team. It was a confusing, scary, and emotional time of trying to figure out what was happening. The leadership was struggling, and I went to work trying to help figure out not only what was happening but also what to do next. From late January to early May we would spent countless hours as a leadership team working through our conflict. I would later call that time in January a “crisis”. In addition to the late night leadership meetings and prayer sessions, we were also seeing a growing ministry on campus and in our community. I was preaching through the book of Ephesians and enjoying being in the pulpit, but the conflict and crisis was taking a toll on me. Then COVID happened.

We scrambled to comply with Larimer County guidelines and requirements as we moved from a twice a week rhythm to 5x a week meeting on Zoom and other online forums. We prayed together, took emotional assessments, and sought the Lord on next steps…all while navigating the conflict. Ugh…just writing this history is tiring.

We hired a reconciliation expert to help us work through our conflict, and I believe she helped us “get unstuck”. That took up May and led us into June and July. By mid July we were discussing through tears if we should keep the church open. By that time I had applied and received a variance agreement for our church to gather in person outdoors. So a family in the church opened their backyard and I kept preaching through Ephesians. We recognized Naaman graduation high school and we had quarantine birthdays for all three kids.

One of the joys of that season was seeing Naaman mature. Although the church life was falling apart…our family life was growing. I’ve heard it said, “If you’re winning at work, but losing at home, then you’re losing.” On that scoreboard I would say I was winning/we were winning. The crisis, conflict, and COVID were enough to kill our little church, but as I preached that summer…Crisis, Conflict, COVID, and Christ…I knew the Lord would have us keep our eyes on Jesus Christ and not on the other three Cs. Seeing Naaman endure COVID and high school to graduation was a proud moment for me. He had turned 18 and was now an adult. Him growing up and preparing for leaving our home and going off to school was a highlight of 2020 when the work around me was struggling. I remember thinking it so kind of the Lord to give me this image of success when my work seemed to fail. God reminded me of my greater work and His greater work in us that was winning the day even when my problems at work were magnifying. So I’ll always be thankful for 2020…that’s the year Naaman became a man.

Mid to Late 2020

With COVID becoming something we all realized was going to change the world… we locked down in quarantine. Brook worked long hours with lots of sadness, confusion, loss, pain, and death. I’ll never forget her texting our family chat saying she was going to quarantine at home because she got exposed to COVID. This was in the early days of the pandemic. Pandemic…a word I had never used in my life…a word from a history page from days of old. Now we were all in this new world. There were days when I would wake up wondering if it was all a dream. I remember telling Brook on one of our many walks with me lagging behind her by 10 ft that my heart was struggling to know if we were even married. I said that because we were unsure how long she would quarantine, how long we would not hug, spend time together, or kiss. I felt like I needed to know if this was an “overseas wartime effort” where I could expect us to be separated for months or even years or if we were going to go back to our old ways sometime soon. Praise God we gained clarity and we were able to get out of quarantine, but not without pains.

As I previously mentioned we were meeting outdoors, I was preaching through Ephesians, and then preached a few messages about the social/racial/political unrest of summer 2020. In July we decided to close the church. We announced to the church we were closing in August and the work to finalize that decision lasted until the first week of November. There was relief in that decision though also a lot of heartbreak. We had been in crisis and conflict and COVID didn’t help anything for almost a year. I was tired, sad, and worn down…and I wasn’t sure I had a job. I had already called Reliant several times to keep them in the loop on our circumstances and they assured me I had a job. They offered me a year long sabbatical and support to help me through any transitions. I knew right away I did not want a sabbatical. Brook working hard at the hospital caring for COVID patients and me seeing our neighbors and community members struggle with the pandemic caused me to know I had to stay the post. I knew I needed time to regroup, heal, and recover from the long year…I felt emotionally thin again, but not in the same way as after losing Mom. This time I was also relieved and felt a sense of purpose…but there is no doubt I was emotionally thin.

So I pressed into pastoral counseling with a few good men who loved me well. I pressed into God’s word which had been my lifeline for years and I had seen the Lord come through for me in significant and deep ways over the course of the past several years. The word of God had come alive in 2019…and I was feasting on God’s word even while I was outwardly dying emotionally.

I don’t think I can thank our ministry partners and donors enough for the ways they all came through for us! I received hand written notes of encouragement, phone calls, prayers, and visits. I heard truths from loved ones I didn’t know I needed to hear, and words of encouragement that a pastor can live on for a long time. A few key “dots” started surfacing which led me to say yes to a few decisions…

1. My Mom’s letter was a source of strength to me. I could literally hear my Mom talking with me from old conversations we would have about the pastorate, trusting Jesus, holding onto hope, and pressing into the Lord.

2. I had a few great conversations with a newish friend I had gotten to know since early 2020. He counseled me through difficult conversations and helped me with the entire conflict. Now he was helping me look to Jesus once again. I told him…”I want to be in the game of helping others stay in the game.” He said, “write that down.” So that thought alone was helpful to me to allow me to dream again about what could happen in my life.

3. I felt led by the Lord to pray…and to wait in prayer for our family, for our future, for our decisions, for our partners, and for anyone who might need prayer.

4. I had listened to a podcast in the Spring of 2020 and decided at that time I would take on the phrase for my life…”The world needs more priests and fewer preachers.” I told the Lord…I want to be more priestly in my ministry. One of my life goals for years has been to become more sweet with time and less bitter. This new priestly thought fit really well with my longstanding prayer and endeavor towards sweetness. So in short, I wanted every person who encountered me to experience a blessing more than a preaching.

5. I remembered Ms. Pat Grant…the first Protestant woman of faith I remember meeting at Windcrest Baptist Church. She was one of our earliest ministry supporters. She loved the Lord fiercely and with great zeal until she went to be with the Lord over a decade ago. She was the first person I remember telling me I would be a pastor some day.

6. I remembered my friend and brother in the Lord, Winston Lam, one time telling me “we need you in the field”. He told me that one time when I was really low in support and he wanted me to not give up.

7. I remembered my dear friend, Mark Hagen, and his faithful service to the Lord and his devotion to the discipleship of my life. I remembered how he led during times of great trials, how he didn’t seem to waiver in his devotion to pastor the flock, and how he would always serve the Lord’s people even if he wasn’t pastoring. Thinking of Mark allowed me to consider not pastoring and still being faithful to the Lord’s call.

8. A dear friend called me and said words I’ll never forget…”We are with you heart and soul no matter what you do. We have experienced the power of the Rivera “couch ministry” so if you’re worried about support don’t be.” Her words to press into the bigger work not tied to a particular church or ministry, but just being available, opening our home/couch, and being with others in the power of the Lord helped me to put to rest the money concerns…this decision I needed to make was not going to be made because of finances.

9. I have told the Lord for years that I wanted to have a place to serve others. I wanted a place which I could offer freely to needy ministers, pastors, and brothers and sisters in Christ which would serve them through a ministry of hospitality. I told the Lord I believed He had given us that place with our home in Timnath CO. We had hosted hundreds of people over the years in a corn field house in IL…now that we lived in a more desirable/vacation like setting…how much more could we serve.

Soooo we decided to stay if the Lord would make a way for us. We decided to stay here, put down roots, and build a place (allow the Lord to build a ministry for us) that would serve our family and prayerfully many many others for years to come. I didn’t know exactly what we would do…but we knew we would do it here in Timnath and Northern Colorado.

2021

Noah was born in October of 2020…his cuteness is off the charts and he’s a good little brother for Nathaniel. Naaman was sent back to his second semester at Arizona State U in Tempe. His first fall was mostly spent in his bedroom in the dorms due to COVID. Going back there was hope that things would open up a bit, and he might have a more normal collegiate experience. He found a church and got involved with friends and we started to feel better for him. Kyra was headed into the spring semester of her Junior year while Kelsie was finishing up 8th grade. Brook was more in a rhythm at work, and I was starting to realize we could start over with a new church…only this time we were going to embrace what we originally wanted to do but could not with our old church.

So in January of 2021 we started meeting weekly with a few people who wanted to move forward together as a church. I knew a few things by faith…we needed time, there was tons of uncertainty, we needed to see relationships built, and we were very young spiritually and experientially. But this little flock needed a pastor…so I felt freedom in the Lord to say yes to them. That was the first time in 2021 that I felt like Freedom might be a theme for the year. Little did I know what was to come…

We spent the first quarter of 2021 investing in the relationships in our little church. We started training in Disciple Making Movement and embracing a new paradigm for church. I don’t have time to write all of my thoughts on church gatherings from the past two plus decades. Suffice it to say, I’ve been dreaming of what the church is and can be since the early 90s. Friends back in college and I would talk and dream together about churches…and now in 2021 I had a chance to look again with a fresh set of eyes of faith. I was given what I would call a “second life in ministry” and I’ve been leaning into what God has for us. When we came to plant a church in Fort Collins we thought the “old ways” were not going to work here…nothing wrong about old ways…I like old ways…I’m kind of an “old ways” guy…but I want to do the Lord’s will. The “old ways” are not what we’re doing. I tend to think we’re doing more of the “older ways”. What I mean is simple discipleship, simple church, focused evangelism and ministry. Discipleship takes time and commitment to the long game. I’m here for the long game. So when we decided to stay and put down roots I knew we were deciding to play the long game of ministry.

Along the way I’ve been heavily influenced by Pete Scazzero’s ministry of Emotionally Healthy Discipleship. I have purchased the course and started using it in my own life. The Seven Marks of Healthy Discipleship according to Pete are the following…

1. Be Before You do

2. Follow the Crucified, Not the Americanized Jesus

3. Embrace God’s Gift of Limits

4. Discover the Treasures Buried in Grief and Loss

5. Make Love the Measure of Maturity

6. Break the Power of the Past

7. Lead Out of Weakness and Vulnerability

Our church gathered in May and decided to name ourselves, Valiant Community Church. This name came out of Judges 6:12 and the story of Gideon. Here was a man hiding in wine press because of the invading army. Jesus appears to him and calls this scared man valiant. God sees what we often do not. I told our church the days are evil…the days are challenging…the days are difficult…the world needs Valiant people of God to stand firm under duress from great opposition and fear. The vision was to invest three years into seeing new growth and fruit come from this work. 2 Kings 19:29-31 would be our theme verses informing our vision. There would be a remnant of Israel which the Lord would establish and instruct to work towards a fruitful existence. I felt like Valiant was a remnant…small and losing soldiers (like Gideon) but strong and ready to work. The vision was a three year vision to invest in the hard work of cultivating a life near to Jesus. To obey his word. To follow his lead. To not get distracted by shiny works which took us away from the long lasting fruit.

The Lord also laid on my heart one last section of scripture. Hebrews 13 was to be the work we would do. Combining the three sections of scripture would result in naming us, giving us vision, and giving us strategy. So we have embarked on this mission. We are now a part of Valiant Community Church leading this remnant of people towards fruitful years of lasting ministry in Northern Colorado. We are implanting DMM habits under the instructions of Hebrews 13 on a timeline directed by 2 Kings 19 with a spirit of Gideon informed in Judges 6. The end result is making disciples that are marked by those seven marks over the course of our life time here in Northern Colorado and beyond. We are here…and we aim to please the Lord in all we do.

Along the way, we have new visions that fit this over arching Valiant vision. We are working to establish new homes in Granby right near Winter Park, we are helping a prayer and disciple making movement work in Fort Collins, we are serving our neighbors and we are creating online content to bless the church. Life is full here…we still pray regularly for God to add to our team and to make leaders. We pray all the time for the many needs that come across our lives. We pray for God to raise up workers, give us close co-laborers, and establish the work of our hands. I can say without a doubt the work is challenging and at times lonely, but God has been faithful to open our eyes time and time again to the vision he has given us. The work seems to be far more reaching than before. I think little Valiant is on track to see great fruit come in the next 2.5 years. We are 6 months into this three year vision…what will the Lord do?!